The prices will never go higher than around 10 percent the base cost, but will drop to as much as 50 percent below base cost.  For example, a Bell’s Two-Hearted Ale may be $3 normally. But, depending on the “market” activity (i.e. patrons buying tendencies) it could be as much as $3.25 or as little as $1.50 (prices fluctuate in increments of 25 cents). The prices will change every 15 minutes and there will be, at random, a “stock market crash” — signified by air horns — when all 28 beers are sold at a low rate for five minutes.

I think coffee shops could employ this strategy as well.

ps, Bell’s Two-Hearted Ale is gooood.

…

A pair (2) of large, crystal martini glasses with a capacity of at least 7 ounce each. Only the classic sillhouette will do. No swirly or rose-colored stems or any other ornamentation is acceptable.

A sturdy, stainless-steel Martini shaker of the familiar shape and a generous size.

Four (4) large fresh Cerignola, California or other brine-cured green olives.

A small piece of aged Danish Blue Cheese of the dry, crumbly variety.

A large quantity of clear, hard ice, frozen from distilled water.

A hammer.

A kitchen knife.

A small spoon.

Two (2) extra-long toothpicks or simple swizzle sticks.

Schweppes Club Soda.

Noilly Pratt Dry Vermouth.

Belvedere Vodka, from Poland, stored in freezer overnight.

…

1. Wrap some ice cubes in your towel and bash them with your hammer until they’re all cracked into thirds or quarters.
2. Fill each glass to the rim with the cracked ice.
3. Pour the Club Soda over the cracked ice, filling the glasses. Set aside.
4. Pour a couple ounces of Dry Vermouth into the shaker. Cover and swirl it around a bit. Pour out the Vermouth leaving a coating around the inside of the shaker.
5. Hammer some more cubes lightly. Just a few whacks ought to do it this time.
6. Fill the shaker with the ice, about 3/4 of the way.
7. Pour in the ice-cold Belvedere Vodka, covering the ice. Cap the shaker. Set aside. Other vodkas may be better for other things, but not for this.
8. Take the flat of a kitchen knife and press down on an olive until you feel the pit. Carefully squeeze one end of the olive with your fingers. The pit should pop out. Using a small spoon, fill the cavity with Blue Cheese. Put two olives each on a swizzle stick. Set aside.
9. Vigorously shake the shaker in a violent up and down motion. When you feel you’ve done it enough, do it some more. It’s important that the shaking sliver the ice. In classic Gin Martini preparation it is frequently said that a violent shaking will “bruise” the Gin. That may well be, but Vodka is a hearty liquid that blooms in its return to the near-frozen state from whence it came.
10. Pour the ice and Club Soda out of the glasses. The Soda enables the trace amount of Vermouth in the drink to cling to the side of the glass surounding the pure slurry of Vodka and imparting a hint of taste with each sip. Trust me.
11. Uncap the shaker and pour the drinks. An occasional back and forth rotation of the shaker will facilitate the process. The final product will be thickish, with a slightly slushy quality.
12. Drop in the olives.
13. Enjoy slowly. Chat about the issues of the day. Smoke.
14. Repeat as necessary.

Bring your own resealable bottles, Poland Spring containers, jerrycans, whatever. Or you can get one at the store. Select your grade (red, white, or rosé). Pump. Print receipt. ?

This is only THE. BEST. THING. EVER. It’s like a gas pump, but with wine. Fill ‘er up.

Start with the ingredients for your three favorite cocktails and build from there.

1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which has given you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak sub and a side of gravy fries.

2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is raving a fruity pancake from IHOP. There is some definite havoc being wrecked upon your bowels.

3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86′d you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You’ve had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Iced Teas and a diet coke yet you haven’t peed once. You decide the Havana Omelet you are going to leave in the bathroom is better done on another floor, so you don’t have to walk by and smell it the rest of the day.

4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can’t speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can’t hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject perpetual spasm, and the first of about 5 shits you take during the day makes the eyes water of everyone who enters the bathroom.

5 star hangover,(*****) aka “Dante’s 4th Circle of Hell.”
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don’t remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your otherwise empty house. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol scented fluid with a ‘floater’ thrown in.. The sole purpose of this ‘floater’ seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.

6 star hangover (******) otherwise known as the “Infinite Nutsmacker”
You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile, or your vomit from 3 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to get up before you; shower and already leave for work. You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you inadvertently turn your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights…some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp “Ready to Rock” clearly on your cheek…….the stamp on the back of your hand has appeared on your face by what is known as ‘Jagermeister magic.’ You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your “hello kitty” pajamas and your slippers. Any attempt at emptying your bowels results in a gag inducing ass spray which you are positive has the ability to etch porcelain. The only thing that sounds worse than remaining on the foul stench throne is leaving before you’re finished; which could take 5 minutes or an hour and a half.

After my review, it appears that the best value are as follows: Tanqueray Rangpur Distilled Gin (Gin & Tonic – $19.99), Luksusowa Vodka (Bloody Mary and Martini – $13.99), El Jimador Blanco Tequila (Margarita – $19.99), Don Q Cristal Rum (Mojito – $13.99), Evan Williams Straight Bourbon Whiskey (Manhattan and Mint Julep – $11.99).

Time to stock your home bar.

It’s supply and demand. If everyone is drinking one thing, the price will go up in 25-cent increments. There will be a list of beers that will start out at $6. As people buy them, the prices will go as high as $8 or as low as $4, based on their demand.

I wonder if I can “invest” in the drinks. Or create some securitized drink menu? CDO = Collateralized Drink Obligation. The possibilities are endless.

• 2 1/2 ounces gin
• 1/2 ounce dry vermouth
• 1/2 ounce Black Peppercorn Syrup
• Ice

Combine all ingredients in a shaker filled with ice. Stir with a bar spoon, and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Serve.